Jello Knees

I have posted this video specifically because I lost muscle tone in my knees around 6:38. This could have absolutely nothing to do with Narcolepsy because it was not really triggered by an extreme emotion. However, it could possibly be a minor Cataplexy attack. Curious to see if it continues to happen. 

http://youtu.be/pVt5Cac8NJk?t=6m25s

A Day in the Life of Narky

It took every ounce of energy to capture this photo yesterday but here is a story of what life is like through my eyes. I am not trying to make you feel bad but more or less trying to get people to have a better understanding. Narcolepsy is an invisible disease. I have never been very open about discussing the symptoms because I sounded lazy and crazy to everyone until I was recently diagnosed. As well as, the encouragement to spread the word from advocate groups I follow and support.

First, let me give you a little past information... I was recently diagnosed with Narcolepsy. Before this I struggled with spells of depression for years. Nothing was helping so I made the decision to drop the classes I was taking towards my graduate degree and quit my job. I had to take this time out for myself and figure out what I needed to do to feel better while I could. This ultimately led to the diagnosis of Narcolepsy. So, here I am taking time out for myself this summer... but now that I have it all figured out it is time to find a job that will be more appropriate then being constantly exposed to overwhelming situations when I was have trouble handling my own!

Anyways, yesterday I had a second interview that was exciting, yet nerve racking, so I was feeling a little drained. It went really well until, at the end, they gave me worksheets filled with word solving and math problems. With twenty minutes to finish them, I froze. I read each word problem at least 3 times with no comprehension of what I had just read. Brain fog was haunting me at the worst time. 

Brain fog is the biggest symptom I battle. It feels like I am constantly looking through a cloud in life. It is always foggy and takes a lot of effort to see clearly. My vision easily blurs and it takes extra energy to concentrate. Well I could barely read the page. I put my head in my hands and wanted to cry. Mind you I also have not done math problems in years. Yeah... I bombed them. I told the interviewer that I could not do the math problems but I can assure him if I were to refresh my memory I would have no problem (or maybe I just need a boost in this new medication since it is obviously not doing its job).

At the moment, I am in the process of some medication changes so my energy is low, concentrating is difficult and daily chores have been building up. I came home pretty stressed after that incident. "Can I do this? Am I ready to start a new job?"

"Cara stop! You've been successful before... you'll figure it out. You will get your life back together soon." That phrase sounds so familiar now days. As I look around my house I realize that I really want to get my life together because I am thoroughly bored without a job. Searching for anything to help I realize my house is messy.

As I attempt to take out the trash, clean my house, do my daily dishes, put clean sheets on my bed or basically anything productive... I am overcome by the fogginess again. "What am I doing? What was I going to do next? Shit! Well since I cannot remember and I am standing in the kitchen I'll just get some chicken out to de-thaw for dinner. Which in this case, I have learned to prepare myself... I put it in the fridge to thaw incase I fell asleep and it goes bad."

After getting the chicken ready the oh so lovely sleep attack hits, which is an overwhelming urge to sleep. I should've known... fog and forgetting are clear indicators for me. And yes, everyone gets the urge to nap but it's a lot different for people with Narcolepsy. To us it feels like we have not been asleep for 48-72 hours. 

Can you seriously imagine trying to get anything done constantly looking through a cloud and then being attacked by ninjas that make you feel that you have not been asleep for over one full day?! This is exactly why I was driving myself insane before I knew I had Narcolepsy.

Anyways, I sat down on my couch for a breather hoping it would pass but of course it didn't. "Come on fog, clear because I got stuff to do!!! You've haunted me enough today!!" Except before I knew it, I had fallen asleep with my feet on the ground, shoes on my feet, glasses on my head and all the lights on. After awhile I realized I was sleeping and needed to wake myself up. It becomes an internal battle.

Finally, a few hours go by and I am able to force myself awake. I realize it is way past dinner time and my stomach was growling. Thankfully, I had enough energy to feed myself and my puppy but that was about it. The night was done. I felt exhausted.

The trash never got taken out, the dishes are still in the sink, I have yet to clean and I fell asleep on top of a blanket. I guess this new medication isn't doing justice. Welcome to a smidgen of Narcolepsy.