Recently, the demons arise as soon as I awake... before I have had the chance to process any thoughts. This is what makes it uncontrollable. I use coping skills. Mainly attempts to engage in activities that will distract me from these feelings. Although lately, they instantaneously come back to burn me once I disengage.
It is a painful whirlwind of stress. The roots that keep me grounded, sane and stable are brutally ripped from the dirt. Control is lost. The demons start to over take me. All I can do at this point is shut myself off by falling sleep or taking an anti-anxiety pill. Both temporarily put the demons down to slumber. Yet both exclude me from the world because I end up sleeping with either option.
I surely hope I will soon defeat this stage of hell. I am becoming exhausted fighting this battle. It has been a week so far of excessive tension. I do not want to fall off of the edge. I am looking down into the hole that I fell into these past few months. I managed to climb back up thinking I was heading for steadier ground, but I have found myself yet again with my toes dangling over.
Yet, regardless of how I really feel, emotionally and physically, I breathe it all in and love it all out.