Looking Back

I highly encourage you to do this. It's a very good way to self-reflect based on the past. I made this list on here at the beginning of January and find it very fascinating looking back and comparing! Try listing at least 25! Also, I cannot believe how many of these clearly indicate that I could possibly have had Narcolepsy. (The parentheses are my recent updates.)

I am 24 years old. (25 now.)
I am a female. (Still am!)
I sleep too much. (Welp, I can explain that now! Damn hypothalamus! Indicator #1 for N.)
I am a hopeless romantic. (That wont change.)
I need caffeine. (Life of a narcoleptic. Makes sense. Indicator #2.)
I love cotton scents. (Sandalwood now too!!)
I want to learn about Buddhism. (Still do! Buddha is forever with me now!)
I am not chubby.
I am not skinny.
I have green eyes.
I have dirty blonde hair.
I am self conscious about my body. (I am progressing on this.)
I am pretty.
I find the mind fascinating. (Yeup.)
I rely on medication. (Still trying to find the right stuff! #3.)
I love the color aqua and black.
I have bad allergies. (Doing fairly well with these.)
I wish I had enough intelligence to work in the science field. (Still do.)
I am always smiling even when I am upset. (I run on smiles.)
I do not have a best friend. (Lies. You know who you are.)
I have become more girly. (To an extent.)
I am pale. (Sunkissed now!)
I want more energy. (UGHHH still!!! Makess sense now. #4.)
I have obsessive thoughts. (Bah.)
I am creative. (Heehee.)
I am a deep thinker. (Always putting myself in someone elses shoes!)
I over analyze situations. (It wears me out. Getting much better!)
I love water. (I went to the Quarry this summer over 10 times.)
I am silly.
I like the blues. (Ooo I dooo ooo.)

I believe in aliens.
I like yoga. (I like hooping better now!! It keeps me energetic, yet is calming/meditative!)

I like to drink. (Got me, except I have significantly decreased this.)
I like to laugh.
I fake laugh. (50% of the time is because I am not paying attention.)
I am rarely happy and if I tell you you've helped.. appreciate it. (I will tell you. #5.)
I want to be happy. (I have made strides at accomplishing this.)
I have mood swings. (Narcolepsy. Mhmm. #6.)
I have severe anxiety. (I've learned this is more due to exhaustion and not being able to handle thoughts/emotions well enough because of that. #7.)
I am tinted yellow.
I do not maintain relationships. (Nailed it. #8.)
I am lonely. (Fixed that. LOLAS!)
I like indie.
I am funny.
I want to play the guitar. (One day. Maybe.)
I love my personality.
I want children.
I am innovative. (I'd say my best skill/feature.)
I love taking photos. (Mmhm!)
I am caring.
I love nature. (Again, went to NLQP over 10 times this summer.)
I like baking cupcakes.
I want my own garden. (Did it!)
I deal with severe depression. (Significant strides due to the N diagnoses. #9.)
I want to help anyone become a better person.
I challenge myself.
I am healing.
I have a low working memory. 
I have a past. (Who doesn't?)
I like 90's music.
I love pets. (And the new job follows this passion!)
I want more willpower. (Damnnn Narcolepsy #10.)
I like to experiment.
I am an instigator. (Who? Me?)
I love to make people happy. (Yes and laugh!)
I never finish things. (Reasons why there are stimulants. #11.)
I like constructive criticism. (Makes me better.)
I want to move. (I would if I could.)
I like being a bum.
I like to snack. (Shit! I'm out of Reeses!)
I am easily distracted. (#12.)
I have a learning disorder. (N don't help this factor.)
I am above average in other learning areas. 
I want to be an art teacher. (That is a dream of mine. Back burner.)
I am in debt. (That's what college does.)
I am paranoid.
I want to start fresh. (Do I?)
I like cold showers. (Wakes me up more.)
I get jealous.
I am clumsy. (Comes with the constant grogginess/cataplexyness. #13.)
I love decorating. (That ain't changed!)
I love family.
I love bright neon colors.
I like to cook. (Yes!)
I am mental. (My brain lacks hypocretin associated with N. #14.)
I always have my toenails painted. (That they are.)
I only use black, gray or purple polish. (Yepp! Purple right now!)
I can sing on tune.
I have a terrible singing voice.
I am a procrastinator. (Lack of energy. #15.)
I am trustworthy.
I am not afraid to be outgoing. (I will gladly publicly make a fool out of myself or you!)
I want to learn more about outer space. (Still do.)
I am calm.
I am crazy. (We're never gonna survive so lets get a little crazy...)
I want to get married.
I am real.
I believe in karma. (Still.)
I like tattoos. (Many more added.)
I become easily unmotivated. (Zzzz. #16.)
I have fast processing speed. (Automatic.)
I have patience. (Thank you previous job!)
I am compassionate.
I like feeling wanted.
I am a visual learner. (Drawings as well as re-writing things in my own words!)
I am not book smart.
I hate the color brown.
I hate pastel colors. (Gives me the jitters. Weird, I know.)
I constantly misplace things. (Guilty. #17.)
I am finding myself.

Hooping? Huh?

My hooping story!

Jello Knees

I have posted this video specifically because I lost muscle tone in my knees around 6:38. This could have absolutely nothing to do with Narcolepsy because it was not really triggered by an extreme emotion. However, it could possibly be a minor Cataplexy attack. Curious to see if it continues to happen. 

http://youtu.be/pVt5Cac8NJk?t=6m25s

A Day in the Life of Narky

It took every ounce of energy to capture this photo yesterday but here is a story of what life is like through my eyes. I am not trying to make you feel bad but more or less trying to get people to have a better understanding. Narcolepsy is an invisible disease. I have never been very open about discussing the symptoms because I sounded lazy and crazy to everyone until I was recently diagnosed. As well as, the encouragement to spread the word from advocate groups I follow and support.

First, let me give you a little past information... I was recently diagnosed with Narcolepsy. Before this I struggled with spells of depression for years. Nothing was helping so I made the decision to drop the classes I was taking towards my graduate degree and quit my job. I had to take this time out for myself and figure out what I needed to do to feel better while I could. This ultimately led to the diagnosis of Narcolepsy. So, here I am taking time out for myself this summer... but now that I have it all figured out it is time to find a job that will be more appropriate then being constantly exposed to overwhelming situations when I was have trouble handling my own!

Anyways, yesterday I had a second interview that was exciting, yet nerve racking, so I was feeling a little drained. It went really well until, at the end, they gave me worksheets filled with word solving and math problems. With twenty minutes to finish them, I froze. I read each word problem at least 3 times with no comprehension of what I had just read. Brain fog was haunting me at the worst time. 

Brain fog is the biggest symptom I battle. It feels like I am constantly looking through a cloud in life. It is always foggy and takes a lot of effort to see clearly. My vision easily blurs and it takes extra energy to concentrate. Well I could barely read the page. I put my head in my hands and wanted to cry. Mind you I also have not done math problems in years. Yeah... I bombed them. I told the interviewer that I could not do the math problems but I can assure him if I were to refresh my memory I would have no problem (or maybe I just need a boost in this new medication since it is obviously not doing its job).

At the moment, I am in the process of some medication changes so my energy is low, concentrating is difficult and daily chores have been building up. I came home pretty stressed after that incident. "Can I do this? Am I ready to start a new job?"

"Cara stop! You've been successful before... you'll figure it out. You will get your life back together soon." That phrase sounds so familiar now days. As I look around my house I realize that I really want to get my life together because I am thoroughly bored without a job. Searching for anything to help I realize my house is messy.

As I attempt to take out the trash, clean my house, do my daily dishes, put clean sheets on my bed or basically anything productive... I am overcome by the fogginess again. "What am I doing? What was I going to do next? Shit! Well since I cannot remember and I am standing in the kitchen I'll just get some chicken out to de-thaw for dinner. Which in this case, I have learned to prepare myself... I put it in the fridge to thaw incase I fell asleep and it goes bad."

After getting the chicken ready the oh so lovely sleep attack hits, which is an overwhelming urge to sleep. I should've known... fog and forgetting are clear indicators for me. And yes, everyone gets the urge to nap but it's a lot different for people with Narcolepsy. To us it feels like we have not been asleep for 48-72 hours. 

Can you seriously imagine trying to get anything done constantly looking through a cloud and then being attacked by ninjas that make you feel that you have not been asleep for over one full day?! This is exactly why I was driving myself insane before I knew I had Narcolepsy.

Anyways, I sat down on my couch for a breather hoping it would pass but of course it didn't. "Come on fog, clear because I got stuff to do!!! You've haunted me enough today!!" Except before I knew it, I had fallen asleep with my feet on the ground, shoes on my feet, glasses on my head and all the lights on. After awhile I realized I was sleeping and needed to wake myself up. It becomes an internal battle.

Finally, a few hours go by and I am able to force myself awake. I realize it is way past dinner time and my stomach was growling. Thankfully, I had enough energy to feed myself and my puppy but that was about it. The night was done. I felt exhausted.

The trash never got taken out, the dishes are still in the sink, I have yet to clean and I fell asleep on top of a blanket. I guess this new medication isn't doing justice. Welcome to a smidgen of Narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy: Not Alone

Narcolepsy is a very misdiagnosed and misunderstood disease affecting 1 out of every 2,000 Americans. This leaves us feeling very alone. 

I am thankful I have been diagnosed at such an appropriate time. Lots of great opportunities coming up for this growing community. I keep finding out more and more each day. 

There are some really great advocate groups. One of them, Julie Flygare, has started a "Narcolepsy: Not Alone" campaign. Here is my photo submission shared amongst the community. 

You can find more about the campaign here http://julieflygare.com/narcolepsy-not-alone-gallery-map/.

No Rain

When a song describes you...

First Step to Clarity

Today marks the day of my sobriety from alcohol and my medications (I am not an alcoholic by the way. I just tend to try and solve my problems that way). I am a little nervous but then again excited. I have made this decision because I am taking some time off work, so why not do it now while everyone knows I am struggling with trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me, rather then having to go through a crazy process all over again. 

The reason I am going off my medication is actually for a medical sleep study. I will be off of them for at least 6 weeks. It takes one week to lower the dosage a step down. Another week to lower it one more time. Then the third week I will be anti-depressant free. For the study I must then have two weeks week off of the medications. I will then have the study done. After, I will then decide, based on how I feel, if I want to go back on them. 

As most of you already know alcohol is a depressant. When I drink any type of this substance it diminishes the effects of the medications. If I over drink it changes my perspectives, mood, etc. When I am in an off mood I become a totally different person. I become very bitter, mean and angry which is extremely, extremely uncommon for me. I am never that person sober. So, since it is very unhealthy to begin with, let alone while attempting to go off of the medication, I have decided sobriety is the best option for me.